Expat Chatter

Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Zeus, to Hera (via historysaidwhat)
12:53 pm, reblogged by expatter

Torture Toilet

From my experiences at Taiwanese theme restaurants I only have these words of advice: Don’t do it.

To elaborate: In America, I don’t think I would consider a theme restaurant. I once went to Disneyland as a child and had waffles in the shape of Mickey Mouse. Those were awesome. Our server was Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. I loved her. I was was five.

Since then I can’t remember wanting to go to a theme restaurant, until I came to Taiwan and heard of Modern Toilet.

What could be more fun than eating chocolate ice-cream that looks like poo from a little toilet dish? 

The truth is, it’s not fun.
The truth is this.

When I ordered my “ice cream” I thought it would be small, a single scoop or something. What came out was A MONSTER PILE of chocolate flavored shaved ice topped with fudge, marshmallows, ice cream, and many more things that I cannot recall.

When I gasped and told the waitress this wasn’t what I wanted (menu was in English, yes, but without descriptions and no pictures) the waitress replied “Too bad.” and walked away. She ain’t no Belle, that’s for sure.

Also, other people in the restaurant were just eating soberly from their toilets.
There is nothing more depressing than seeing people take food seriously when they are sitting on toilet seats, eating out of toilet bowls.

3:32 pm, reblogged by expatter

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Joan of Arc (via historysaidwhat)
5:31 pm, reblogged by expatter

Foot massage

Today I finally tried what I have been thinking of trying for months.

Maybe you’ve heard of reflexology? The long short of it is, there are points on your feet that correlate to different organs or channels of energy in your body, and if you press those points, it helps release toxins.

I’ve heard it hurts like hell, so I was afraid. Also, I’m self conscious about my feet. Or having anyone up-close-and-personal-up-in-ma-grill aka feet.

But it was ok, I was freshly showered, feet were clean, and I had my good friend with me.

My masseuse was an old guy, with high-rise black slacks and a polo shirt tucked into his pants, 很台, and very brusque. There was nothing vaguely sexual about the massage, not like massage in American spas, especially because you remain fully clothed and also it hurts.

Not a blazing pain, but more like the pain you get from stretching before exercise. It hurts, but you know it’s good for you, but you don’t really like how it feels, except you do, because it’s good for you, do you know what I mean?

People definitely exaggerated the level of pain though. I mean, people make it sound like the reflexology masseuse will flay you alive and beat your skinless feet with a club.

Overall, it was relaxing. My feet have been sore for a while, as I walk a lot.  But I wish I was a proper hedonist, because during my massage, I kept thinking about the masseuse, and if his hands were sore, or if it was an awful job, and I was uncomfortable because of that and it would be hard for me to go back now that I know how terrible I am at just enjoying something if it is at the expense of someone else.

10:33 pm, by expatter
tagged: massage, taiwan, travel,


Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre


Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre

4:35 pm, reblogged by expatter

The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean.

Robert Louis Stevenson (via gabydunn)
4:30 pm, reblogged by expatter

Chinese and English Poetry

Etemology of Love


the hand

bears the covered heart

and lays it at your feet

I love you

and my most precious organ

is yours

Read More

4:36 pm, by expatter
tagged: love,, poetry, chinese, english,

I’m shaking

Is it a bad sign that abstaining from coffee for one day causes you a terrible case of the jitters after reintroducing caffeine to your body?


WHAT the HELL does 7-11 put in their coffee?

I feel like a phone on vibrate and somebody won’t stop calling me.

1:38 pm, by expatter
tagged: coffee, addiction, jitters,

Enormous Corpus

Taiwan is pushing me into cross dressing.

Today I was with a friend at a Levi’s store. We asked the nice woman what was the largest size available for women (this is often the only tactic, directly ask, WILL YOUR CLOTHES FIT MY ENORMOUS CORPUS?)

The answer: 29.

My lucky number.

Usually. Not in this case. I will not post here my waist size for all to see, I will simply say that it is not 29, it is above 29, I will not say by how much, but this is the truth.

Then as my friend was trying on her clothes, I asked the salesgirl, what is the largest size for men?

The answer: 36.

I am less than 36.

Shoes? Don’t even try to buy a women’s size larger than the US 8. I’m a US 10.5, Euro 41.5. I can’t buy women’s shoes in Taiwan.

But I can buy men’s shoes. Those go into the 40’s.

This jacket I’m wearing in this photo? It’s intended for a man.

Taiwan is forcing me to become a cross-dresser.Not a shrimper though. The shrimp has nothing to do with this.